long lost blog

Goodness me a whole week since my last post, how did that happen! Well I'm not sure where the weeks are going, but I do reckon we have a week thief, that is pinching time from under our noses, why do we need to sleep? I mean, don't get me wrong, sleeping is better than a large chocolate bar (well actually maybe not) but it is very good, but not having to sleep would give me another 7-8 hours up and I could move mountains then.... actually, I'd probably just get hysterically grumpy and take it out on my husband so perhaps its better I sleep after all.

I cannot believe how hot it is in London this week - we came down on Friday night, set off at 9pm after a lovely haggis dinner made by Dad and drove down the M1 playing dirty dancing and singing at the top of our voice - by the time we hit Luton I had no voice, melted chocolate all over the car and a coffee/lucozade buzz to rival any illegal high (not that I'd know obviously!). I spent ten minutes shouting "Sylvia.... yes mickey... how do you call your lover boy" out of the window, I imagine any passer by would have considered me clinically insane.... they would probably be correct in fairness....

Speaking of insane... last week was terrible! I stayed in the usual hostel, and was just getting used to telling everyone what a find it was, when I went to bed after a few glasses of wine on the Monday night, and heard a lady crying in the room next door. I didn't think too much of it, I'm not terribly sympathetic so I left her.... then at midnight she started wailing, and at 1am she started smashing things.... I actually thought I was going to die! I also convinced myself she was on the corridor, preventing me from making my escape, so I waited for her to stop, she didn't. She eventually went quiet at 4am.... I slept for 2 hours.... she started again, this time the noise was much louder and she was smashing lots of something... I was glued to the bed and so desperate for the toilet I thought I may have to go in my Evian bottle.... at 7am my mother called.... thank god for mothers.... I told her my plan, to break off the bars on the window with my feet and escape over the TV lounge roof into the garden.... she told me to put down the phone and call security.... erm, yes that's quite a good idea!!! So 7 hours of terror to be ended in a 2 second conversation to security, who came straight up and knocked on my door - slowly I peaked my head around the door as the noise was still horrendous... no sign.... then security tell me its coming from her room, like it had been doing ALL night.... for the love of god you mean I could have made my escape????? He knocked on her door, and a tiny very pretty girl came to the door, told him she was fine, he shouted at her and she legged it, off down the street in her PJ's... needless to say I didn't follow, I glanced into her room, full of glass, broken wardrobes and then collapsed into bed again! The following night she hoovered... the whole night, but I guess this is preferable to screaming.... this week, I have taken refuge at my mother in law's house!!!

This weekend was an education, my sister in-law's father in-law (there must be a better way of saying that!) broke his ankle badly over the weekend and they had to go to hospital to sort things out, as it was a school night, her 4 children needed baths and bed... oh my god. So I poured a bath, and got one child in at a time with military precision, followed by hair drying, PJ's, drinks and bed.... you believe me right???.... ok ok ok.... 3 hours of persuading 3 children to get into the bath, getting wetter than them, burning their heads with the hairdryer, trying to play DVDs and putting them back into bed 100 times, whilst simultaneously dodging projectile vomit from the eldest with heat stroke... but in fairness I didn't wretch, a first for me! I have a feeling that children and one of those things that will not be one of my listed strengths....

This week I'm travelling in from Luton each morning, I was very excited this morning, first that I managed to find the station without sat nav (I usually can't find the car without sat nav) and also that I could pay my car parking fee by phone... until they told me the price... £17 for 3 days... and £67 for 3 return tickets to London, I have come to the conclusion that Luton dwellers must all be millionaires, particularly the first capital connect staff whom I feel I should marry as when the credit crunch brings us all to our knees (like that man at the conference tells us), I will be attached to the richest man in the world and those Luton residents will keep me in handbags for years to come....

On the work side, we have some very exciting possibilities building up, that need a lot more time spent on them than I have available at the moment, roll on next month when I can concentrate on this part of my life full time! I also have rolled out the London delivery so if you see a crazy red head heaving 7 legs of lamb on to the Newcastle to London train on a Monday morning you will nod your head knowingly.... I have no idea what I will do it the orders get too much to carry, probably drive the car down and provide myself with a chance to sing dirty dancing tracks for another 4 hours....

Today, I quite genuinely think I am melting, I have the fan on me full blast but the warm air it is spitting at me is pathetic to be frank - I need pims, a garden and a swimming pool, its just not fair to sit in a hot office with my complexion!

I hope you are all well, over and out,

Cx

Match sticks anyone??

Our new bags!

Oh dear, I genuinely think I have pushed it this week, my eyelids are heavier than my left and right thigh put together and I require so much coffee to stay upright I am considering investing in a share of Starbucks! I am also going on a crusade to sue the Caledonian sleeper for its trade description title!

I had a great time on Thursday, my boss did a wonderful talk, the music worked amazingly, the party was a great amount of fun and I managed to avoid disgracing myself... my work colleague however did not, there's always one....

I decided following the party to go on to another bar... then someone mentioned that it may be better to head to the station.... then I looked at my watch.... OH MY GOD! 20 minutes to retrieve my suitcase from the office, get a taxi and get to the station, and all this under the influence of some extremely cheeky red wine.... hmmmm. Well, I got the suitcase, luckily with the help of my 2 guardian angels Anna and Dave, then we took 10 minutes to find a taxi and it took a further 7 minutes to get to the station.... 1 minute to the train leaving I get to the station.... the last train for 7 hours.... OMG!!! Needless to say, by the time I made it to the platform I thought I may need to ask for an ambulance rather than where my seat was! Somehow, I made it on to the train and then it left.... I was 8 carriages away from my seat.... for the love of god!!!

Someone should tell this Caledonian sleeper designer that women more than a size 8 with a suitcase need slightly more than a 6 inch wide corridor to get down!! For a few moments I considered doing a action packed adventure stunt and scaling the train to walk on the roof... then I decided that messing up my hair was too unbearable and settled for the corridor, closely followed by a man in a suit, who told me 3 times I was walking the wrong way, then asked me to join him in his cabin (erm ok, alongside the other 3 men in their PJ's!!!).... not sure what it was about my drunken, sweating, panic stricken self that he found remotely attractive really, that will remain one of life's little mysteries!!

Anyway, 8 tiny corridors, 11 bashed doors and a gallon of perspiration later.... I found my seat!!!!... and a woman was in it fast asleep. I briefly considered sitting on her head, then sat the the chair next to her, luckily no-one sat there so sleeping woman lived to see another day.

So Caledonian sweater, panic inducer, uncomfortable ride, absolutely but Caledonian sleeper??? Don't make me laugh!!! After 5 hours of facebook, I nodded off... narrowly made the Carlisle stop and landed on a heap on the station floor - what a glamorous life I lead!!

On a better note, the new pig stickers and cotton bags were delivered, and now I can't wait to get packing sausages! I can be seen this week, walking around the streets of London with our new Wark Village Butchers bag under my arm, there's nothing like publicity!!! We have gone with the slogan "British Farming Matters!" which has stuck since my interview with the panel, it seems to sum up what we are trying to do and add a personal touch to the merchandise. Alan has also excelled himself this week with beef and mustard sausages and white pudding, this week is pork and chestnut, because a chestnut is for life not just for Christmas!!! Having said that, tell that to my poor mother who has trawled the length of Northumberland today in search of the dam things!!! She finally tracked them down luckily, or else it would have been chestnutless pork...

To add to my harassment this weekend, I have had the joys of a food hygiene course and my VAT returns.... "tax needn't be taxing".... say that in front of me and seriously regret it! Why do receipts look so innocent in your purse, Then morph into the devil in paper form once in the file from hell? And as for our lap top, I could genuinely have done it quicker if I'd used an old fashioned type writer!

I have learnt several valuable lessons this week... don't be late for trains, don't listen to suited men on such trains, do wash your hands constantly when around food (oh and don't pick your nose) and under no circumstances attempt to do your tax returns after a week of wine and jolliness.. Moira Stuart may tell you that it isn't taxing, but she is having you on!!!!!

Over and out,
Cx

Come on the losers!

Hello again, well I haven't been deleted, or told off so chances are I can keep blogging, so great news for me anyway!!!

So the winner is..... not me!! Hey ho, second placed losers have more fight, I will rise from the ashes.... and hope it didn't burn my sausages!!! Seriously, well done Emily! If I owned a farm shop Id be getting your lovely animals into the shop pronto, but as its a butchers I don't think it would be your required market - give me time, I'm a slow burner! The other winners look good too - although I see Amy's face in the runners up section - not good! Take comfort Amy, you are the best in my eyes bar none.

Well, Ive survived 3 nights in London this week, and in the same hostel I stayed in last week, and it wasn't half bad! I even made it home safe after a night out with Anna on Tuesday, although I did detour half way home to have coffee with a homeless guy and his ginger cat..... Bob the cat can be seen in Covent Garden wearing a scarf and sitting on the shoulder of perhaps the most interesting person I have ever met! London is an incredible place.

Yesterday was spent perfecting a presentation my boss will be delivering today... I never thought of myself as an IT idiot until yesterday... 2 hours on getting a piece of music to play through the duration of 40 slides.... like finding hens teeth!!! I just about jumped out of our 2nd floor window (then realised that at my size Id probably only bruise my bum and squash a passer by) then found my saviour... PowerPoint help.... marry me!! I learnt an important lesson yesterday... the art of delegation is key to academia.... and you must NEVER pretend to your boss that you have knowledge when you don't, it is ALWAYS going to be a disaster....

So I have been considering if I should advertise my loser status at the butchers... welcome to wark village butchers... where losers are always welcome... ??? Maybe I'll just go very quiet about it and hope no-one asks. Ive also got a master plan I will be perfecting next week.... coffee!! I am going to get serving coffee soon in the shop so if you see a crazy woman running up and down the street with cups stop and have a free cup!!! I actually think the village consider me crazy...

Its very warm here today, I keep having hot flushes and having to sit in front of the fan.... something that shouldn't be necessary at 30!! I may retreat to the lab soon for some air conditioning... er I mean hard work of course!!!

if this was a time responsive blog, you would have noticed a huge gap there! Ive just sneaked into my bosses office to take a call from the lovely Suzy from food local food - how exciting! We hope to source all local stock with their help and also become one of their suppliers - a scary task but so so so so exciting!! During our conversation Suzy fell off her chair, and still managed to keep talking to me... professionalism at its best. So a huge thank you to Steven for letting me know about the work of food local food, this could be the start of a beautiful relationship!

Talking of relationships.... I haven't seen nor heard from my husband in a week.... one could call that bliss but I fear we are in danger of forgetting what each other looks like.... we will walk clean past each other in the street I'm sure! Sometimes, I think he wonders what he married into...

I failed on pig stickers, and I need them! Had to make do with a picture of a pig on a sticker - cute but not the same!!! I need a pigs bum shape or a pig side on - yes I know I'm a lunatic but I NEEEEEED it! Its like handbags really.....

Tonight will be a posh dinner, I will drink orange juice so as to remain an academic professional and I will engage in knowledgeable conversation about science..... oh my god look!!!! a pig just flew past the window.... I wonder if he sells stickers????

Cx

Are we allowed to keep blogging???

Well, truth be told I'm a little addicted to this blog stuff now, seems a shame to stop! Maybe I'll just keep blogging to no-one and keep myself amused....

I'm having a bit of an emotional crisis week, those weeks when being anything other than a millionaire size 6 with 38DD chest and legs up to your armpits will simply spell the end of the world? You know the one. Not to mention the fact that work has reactivated all the security doors and I am smashing into them like a bird hitting a wall mid flight.... how can I play a serious business woman when I am sliding down doors with concussion???

I am in London until Thursday this week and already the panic is setting in - I have samples to make for shops and contacts to....contact I guess! I want to be there, annoying the staff and sorting things out!! I've also realised that our new mobile chilling cabinet is going to need me to sell my body on the streets of Newcastle for several years to pay for.... and even that wouldn't be enough going on the credit crunch finances of things today! Why are they so expensive?? I want to chill my meat at farmers markets not sell cavia at the BAFTAs.... but that may be an interesting business idea....

I am looking for pig stickers at the moment, it may sound crazy but it is the only thing that will complete my packaging triumph, it HAS to be a pig sticker!!! Trouble is, there isn't much demand for pig stickers!!!

I've also been told our new uniform is "in a queue" for embroidery.... whats that about!!! Does it stand in line and wait its turn.... are there that many people wanting stitched things on their clothes!!

On a different note, we have found a possible supplier of goats for our new venture, which means babies babies babies galore on Roses Bower (not mine though!!). I will have to invest in some "goat management" books and pray that after all this, the meat is as good as I have told everyone it will be!!!

Speak soon
Cx

That's it folks!!!

Oh my goodness what a week! I am very glad to say, that up until a few hours ago when I got on the train the nerves of competition outcome were to battered by work and brain fatigue to surface... competitions, I have learnt, are like exams... I am terrible at the end result!!! Having read Emily's blog, I realise I should now have been a little more pro-active in my vote for me tactics.... sadly, I have never been brilliant at promotion and what with the majority of my brain being full of sausage recipes and the remainder full of irrelevance.... I may have let the team down somewhat... however, I could not think of a better person to lose to, its been an absolutely fantastic journey and I have learnt such a huge amount along the way!

If there is one message I hope I can keep out there its that British Farming matters!! This competition has given us the chance to get a small farm and local butcher shop noticed and for that I will be forever grateful. Our mission is to keep getting noticed and re-kindle a local shop that our community can be proud of, as well as gaining some invaluable sausage making skills along the way!!!

Speaking of which..... for the first time ever people have been looking upset if the wacky flavours are not available in the shop!!! Who would have thought that people would ever walk in to Wark Village Butchers and ask for chocolate and chilli sausages!!! Brilliant! We are still battling the burger saga however.... does the runner up get a burger recipe wonder??? Our next mission, melting middle burgers and improving the burger itself... apparently.... its all in the fat proportions so one very clever American has let on.... I have him firmly in my sights as burger designer.....

More exciting news.... our new sausages and home cure bacon will soon be seen in several shops around Hexham....!!!!!! I must admit it was hard to remain professional when I heard the "ok send us some samples and we will consider stocking it".... I had to refrain myself from jumping up and kissing them... probably not the way to clinch a deal.... unless you resemble jennifer Aniston....

We also clinched 2 more catering deals at the weekend, mainly due to my wonderful PA (my mother!) being so pro-active, so we are well on the way to clicking up those profits.

More importantly, we have now gone public with Roses Bower herbs.... home grown mint, rosemary, chives, basil etc... quite an undertaking for a woman that could kill a plastic plant let me tell you! Apparently, singing to the plants keeps them happy... so if you hear a rendition of "the hills are alive" floating over the national park you'll know it's me, trying to keep my investment alive.... I wonder if I could sing to the sheep for more meat...???

I'm off back down to London at the moment, its a killer of a week this week, my bosses inaugral (don't ask me...) lecture and then a sleeper train on Thursday back overnight ready for deliveries on Friday morning.... why do they call those trains sleepers?? How about "so hot you boil alive and stay wide awakers"??? I would rather be earning lots of money in the shop so I can spend it all on the contents of a catalogue that was sent to me last week.... oh if I only had a million! That's a sound business idea... send people a catalogue that makes you want to own everything inside and re-mortgage the house to get it.... it was even better than a handbag catalogue!!! So I am contemplating getting re-married..... my wedding list will be the contents of the butchers supplies spring edition..... genious!

And I must also say a big well done to our butcher Alan on winning £100 in the lottery.... we do however thank the lord you didn't win a million as we would now be looking for another butcher and we need you!! Keep up the SMALL wins Alan!!!

Well, That's all that should be said today to prevent boredom setting in, just thank you again for this amazing experience, win or lose its been brilliant! I will never forget the inspirational conference, I even raved about Lord Kirkham in DFS when buying a sofa recently!!! And the wonderful HSBC boss, who really ought to be present at every conference carried out, and all the wonderful we can you can staff who looked after us so wonderfully, including Hazel, Steven and the dashing Will.... Who by the way told me that night that his braces were the only things keeping his trousers up.... so in the words of Bridgit Jones.... this is Claire Watson-Laney for Roses Bower farm with... lets face it.... a bit of a crush now actually....

Thanks guys,

Cx

Sex and the City!

This is me on biscuit aged 7yrs (no reason just amusing really!)

Well, in a truly un-work like moment, the girls went to see sex and the city 2 last night and you know, it was really very good! Real escapism! I thought the "mid wife crisis" was very me, next time I argue with my husband I'm wheeling that one out! And as for the Laurence of Arabia comment.... classic!!! We should have had champagne but settled for ice cream, and then a lovely meal so a very nice night indeed!

I've re-decorated our websites this week www.warkvillagebutchers.co.uk has a quirky edge and some pink at last (needed in all websites obviously) and www. selfcatering-northumberland.co.uk is coming on a treat, I just wish I was good enough to shoot both to the top of google!!! That's why I need votes to beg the panel for more help!!! Ive also started our wark village butchers facebook site which has been fun.... oh and acquired a blackberry....raspberry.... some form of superior communication mechanism too.... still getting to grips with that one! Currently, its not even sending pictures.... steep learning curve this professional stuff!

The shop is doing well, new delicious Brandy Bank cakes and scones are adding to our stock and the ginger beer is flying out of the door! Look out for pork and chestnut sausages soon!!

Next step is the goat and dairy cattle programme, I've been searching for contacts, I have a feeling this will be a busy month!

And when I grow up..... I want to be Samantha..... she has all the fun :-)

Cx

Shoddy Blogmanship!!

Apologies for the delay, the week of sun in Northumberland had me so shocked I felt a need to remain outside for the vast proportion of the day and haven't even touched the computer shock horror!! The down side is, I resemble an over cooked lobster... red heads were born to be Eskimos!

Last weeks sausages were chocolate and chili! You may recoil in horror but they tasted amazing! Rather hot though, my last minute decision to up the chili by 10 grams was perhaps not one of my best, however its tested some of those who fancied a challenge! This flavour will be coming with us to our farmers markets next month, along with last weeks pork and bramley apple and Beef and wholegrain mustard. The burgers are not behaving as well, the beef and wasabi just didn't hit the spot - you know, the brain freeze "oh my god I'm going to lose my nose" HIT of wasabi... just didn't happen! So these are still work in progress, sadly, this means that at some point I will overdo the wasabi and cause some burst blood vessels amongst my fellow testers!!! The packaging is also giving me a headache, who knew it could be so tricky!!!

We have also started the next leg of our project - supporting British cattle and goat dairy herds by using the male offspring for meat instead of allowing them to be slaughtered at birth - this means they get a good quality of life and we get some wonderful meat! We are all a bit worried about having cattle and goats at Roses Bower but very excited about a new venture! They say, goat burgers have a beautiful taste, keep looking out for it in the butchers!!!

I had last week off but I'm back to the smoke this week, a shame as I'm not feeling very science-like this week, I'd much rather be buying stock and looking at sausage recipes!!

I am booked into a women only hotel tonight (oo-er!) so fingers crossed its nice and has no bed bugs!!

Cx